II — Yes Dad

November 2nd, 2009

I figure this section really must come with a fair warning and some babble prefacing it. It is crap. Absolute, one hundred percent word vomit. Things are overly clichéd and awful and I actually really hate it. However, I have forgot exactly where by back space button resides (or at least I am currently trying to) and this section is 940 words. That makes me 940 words closer to 50, 000. That’s a good thing. And seeing as the crap I have written here is kinda related to exactly how Elva killed things I figured it was important. And therefore must be seen. Enjoy. Or y’know…don’t. I know I didn’t enjoy writing this bit.

*****

“Make sure you stay close,” said Seth as they wandered around the market square. “Don’t wander off, don’t touch anything, don’t talk to anyone.”

“Yes Dad,” sighed Elva, the second word heavy with sarcasm. Seth wasn’t her Dad, not even close, but sometimes he behaved just like one. Full of warnings and cautions and remember-this and watch-out-for-that. She was sixteen. She could take care of herself. Better than he knew.

Slowly Seth wandered along the lines of market stalls, occasionally pausing to chat to the odd stall vendor. He was doing his best to look casual – the swagger to his step made that much obvious – and Elva simply rolled her eyes. He always seemed to get like this – she had only been travelling with him for the last two months or so now, but every time they went off-ship he never relaxed enough to enjoy it; he spent most of his time snapping at her or trying to get the best deal he could. Neither of these things seemed to do much of anything, she was convinced they were ripped off at every opportunity.

Seth always seemed pleased with his bargains however.

She wandered over to one of the near by stall tables, fingering a bolt of silvery fabric, baby soft and slippery between her fingers. She didn’t know who in this godforsaken backwater settlement would buy cloth like that but she did know that she wanted it. She had spent so many years in anonymous scrubs and now that she was free she was pretty damn broke. She tended to wear whatever was available at the time – pants that had to be held up by belts stolen off Seth, oversized dresses that hung like sacks on her slim frame, baggy shirts and boots with fabric scraps stuffed into the toes in some desperate attempt to make them actually fit.

She was like a magpie – shiny stuff never failed to catch her attention.

“Elva!” She heared Seth’s voice and sighed, giving the owner of the stall and a small smile and an apologetic shrug. She darted off into the crowd to locae again. He was always easy to see, standing head and shoulders above the crowd. That ridiculous height of his was useful for something at least – he did always see to be crashing into doorways however which was not so cool. In two months she had (very badly) stitiched up his head more times than she cared to count.

Suddenly a man brushed up against her and a sneaky hand came out and grabbed her ass. She spun around, the man motionless, caught in her gaze. It went far beyond slight disgruntlement over the unappreciated manhandling.

“You do not touch me,” snapped Elva, her tone vicious. For a sixteen year old girl she could be somewhat assertive.

The man leered at her, rocking forwards as if to look down the open collar of the shirt she was wearing. He was missing teeth, his hair grew in ugly clumps, and he reeked of cheeply brewed moonshine. All in all he was your typical backwater scum and the last thing in the universe you wanted touching you. “Why not darling?” he drawled*, eyes running up and down her body. “Reckon I could show you a good time I could, show you how a real man does it,” he said, bumping up against her, hands snaking out once more.

“You do not touch me,” repeated Elva, doing her best to writhe out of the mans grip. Seth had heard the commotion and broke through the crowd so he was standing behind her, watching the scene unfold. He was about to step forwards and beat the man to a pul for being a spineless prick who couldn’t keep his hands to himself, when suddenly the scum took one staggering step backwards.

“What the…” he said, getting to further, words failing him. Elva turned so she was facing James and he had a similar reaction.

Her eyes, normally grey, had gone completely white. Her crimson hair looked like flames surrounding her face. Her face had changed in the most subtle of ways, somehow making her look older, more alien. And then she spoke.

“They do not touch me. The must not touch me.” Her voice was otherworldly. Deeper, more resonant. It wasn’t Elva’s voice and it made Seth take a step backwards, eyes widening slightly. She had warned him of this happening, she had told him this was possible and he hadn’s listened. And now it was happening and he had never been more freaked out in his life.

She took another step forwards, wrapping her arms around Seth before he had chance to protest. “Close your eyes,” said the Not-Elva. He did as he was told. It wasn’t exactly the sort of voice, or creature (because that’s what she was now – she wasn’t Elva anymore) you liked to disobey.

The screams would haunt him, he was sure of that. He had never heard noises quite like it – it was more like an animal in pain. But he kept his eyes shut, as she had requested, even when he felt hot blood rain down on them, when he heard the sound of flesh being torn apart and the screaming stop. There was a chorus of thuds that sounded vaguely like hail hitting the ground, and when he opened them he was surrounded by complete and utter devestation. He took a step back, Elva finally releasing him, and looked around. Her eyes had returned to normal, her hair hanging in ratty elflocks around her face.

“Well fuck…”

*****

Word Count: 2627

Words this session: 940

I — That didn’t go quite as planned.

November 1st, 2009

“Well fuck,” said Seth, surveying the devestation surrounding him, “That didn’t go quite as planned.”

“Y”think,” snapped Elva, one eyebrow shooting up towards her hairline. “Because killing everybody in the entire freakin’ settlement was totally on my list of things to do today.” The sarcasm was hard to ignore. She carefully stepped over some poor mans dismembered arm so she was standing right in front of Seth, face scrunched up in a scowl.

“I told you this was a bad idea,” she said, punctuating her point with a finger poking him in the chest, “I told you that absolutely no good would come of this,” Another stab of the finger, another point made, “But oh no, Captain Seth knows best, Big Bad Rough and Tough Sethy-boy always knows what’s best for his crew. And now look.” She finally ceased poking him with her finger and instead pointed at a still twitching foot.

Seth was too busy to notice. His mind was filled with wonderings such as how could so small a woman have such extraordinarily strong fingers.

“Look Elfie, you needed a doctor. This was the closest settlement. It made sense.”

“Sense? Sense? Seth. Nothing about this makes sense in the slightest. We are standing in the middle of nowhere, on some god forskaen planet that once had a settlement of backwater folks and hillbillies. They are now all dead. We have a ship that doesn’t work, I have a chip in my head, and the [pigs] will be here any second now. Tell me Seth, please for the love of all that’s good, tell me, which part of this makes sense to you?”

“The um…” This was no good. Captains were not meant to stutter. Or falter. Or be even slightly unsure. But beneath Elva’s furious gaze all of Seth’s confidense seemed to just shrivel up and die. He supposed he couldn’t really blame her. He had cocked things up, big time. He had been the one who wanted to come here. He had been the one who talked her into it.

He cleared his throat, opening his mouth once more. “You needed a doctor,” he said, clinging on to the only good reason he had for them being here. “And the ship needed parts, and a pilot who isn’t a sixteen year old waif,” he said, glancing at Elva.

“So where exactly do you think we are going to find a doctor now? Or a pilot for that matter?” She said, giving him a withering look. She refused to rise to the bait and comment on the pilot remark. She was doing a damn sight better than he could when it came to piloting [shipsname] and he knew it.

Once again Seth quailed under Elva’s gaze, taking a step backwards and trying not to stumble over the torso of a small child. The idea of being stabbed by her oddly strong finger again did not appeal to him.

“Elfie, calm down. Please just calm down,” said Seth. He had seen what happened when the diminutive girl became even mildly irate. He did not want a repeat.

“Calm down!” Elva all but screeched, “Seth, we’re trapped here. I’m leading them straight to us. The entire settlement is dead. I can not calm down.”

Something inside the young girl seemed to snap and her voice broke on the final word. She curled over as if in pain, arms wrapped around her waist, and she slowly sank into a crouch. He couldn’t tell whether she was crying or not, her face was hidden behind a curtain of red hair, but her shoulders shuddered just slightly.

“Elva. I know…I know this is bad. And I’m sorry. But…you can’t give up like this. We got things we need to do.”

Elva didn’t respond; instead she started rocking gently backwards nad forwards and humming softly. He recognized the tune as a lullaby, one his mother had sung to him when he was just a boy. This was not the time, or the place for it and it gave him chills. He fell silent, letting Elva do her thing and instead surveying the surrounding area.

The ground was strewn with bodies, hundreds of them. Each one was ripped into six pieces, limbs and head seperated from torsos, body parts scattered around so you couldn’t tell whose was whose or which was which. The tatters of flesh hanging from the bodies looked disturbingly like rent fabric, fluttering in the breeze. Men, women, children; no one had been spared.

No one but him and Elva that is.

The settlement looked like something out of one of those holovids. The ones that had been popular twenty years or so ago, the ones that had been called such wonderful names and “Doctor Gore-monger” and “Palace of Blood.”

But this wasn’t a holovid. This wasn’t a dream, as much as Seth was currently wishing he could wake up. This was very much real life and the inhabitants of this back water settlement were very much dead.

“I’m sorry okay,” snapped Seth, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry I dragged us here, sorry I talked you into it. I was just trying to help.”

He didn’t know how to talk to young people, especially not the one currently opposite it, crouched over like a -smilie here-. She was what? Sixteen at the most and already she was having to deal with more horror than most had to face in a lifetime. She had warned him, she had tried to talk him out of it but he hadn’t listened, he hadn’t believed her.

And now this had happened and he lacked anything remotely comforting to say to her. The very idea of hugging her or something equally nice was enough to make him pause and falter. “We need to keep moving,” he said instead, his voice gruff. “Stay here yeah?” he said, taking another step backwards. Elva didn’t respond. “Just…don’t move. Don’t touch anything. Don’t talk to any–” He shut up quickly. He had been giving her the normal run down of fatherly-rules he insisted on when they were off-ship but he realized now just how inappropriate the last one was in this circumstance.

There was no one left to talk to.

“I’ll be right back,” he said to cover the mistak. Elva didn’t move, she didn’t look at him, she didn’t make a sound. The only sign that there was still life in her body was the small shudder to her shoulders that spoke of tears.

There was something intrinsically wrong about looting from dead and dismembered bodies, but needs must. After all, he had one very broken ship, one very scared and traumatized girl, and no real pilot. Not until she was up and functioning again.

Food might also be a good idea.

Unfortunately there really was no readily available source of pilots on this planet anymore. New Darwin, the name of the settlement, was the only place of life on the whole godforsaken world. It wasn’t the most hospitable of envrionments. Mostly desert and tumbleweed. It was a miracle New Darwin had sustained itself for as many years as it had.

And then they had come along and sustainability had ceased to matter. They were all dead.

He gathered things together quickly. Well, as quickly as he could while picking his way across the occasional body parts. The heads were the wrost bit, sightless eyes staring throguh him, a look of absolute terror frozen on their faces. Tears had marked their tracks down dusty cheeks, and small chubby fingers clutched at toys. In the corner of one house a rocking horse was still gently moving on its rockers – he could see it throguh the window.

He tried not to focus on these things however, instead dumping tins of food and whatever spare parts he could find  into a duffle bag he had emptied. It had contained large quanitites of wool – obviously this was a famring colony – and he tried not to wonder what had happened to the sheep. The parts and the food was all mixed together but keeping things neat, ordered and spereated hardly came at the top of Seth’s list of concerns. They could worry about that later.

He zipped the bag up quickly before rushing out to where Elva was, still crouched over and gently hunmming once more. He couldn’t decide if it was a good thing or not that she was still there – Elva was prone to wandering and he had spent many a long and tedious hour searching for the missing girl. And yet here she was, where he had left her, as she should be, doing what he had told her to.

That was not how things were meant to work.

“Come on Elva,” he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her to her feet. Her eyes were like those of the bodies, wide and unseeing and full of pain. She may only be sixteen but those eyes held more wisodm than those of an eighty year old. More pain too. “You can’t just stop. We can’t stay here. We have to go,” he said, tugging the girl in the direction of the desert plains, and his ship.

She stumbled slightly but resisted his dragging, sticking her toes in and not moving.

“We have to go Elva. They will be here any minute. They will come and they will take you and you will have to go back. I am not going to let you go back.”

“They should take me,” said Elva, finally bringing her eyes to focus on him. “They should take me back. They were right. I’m not safe. I shouldn’t be here,” she said. Her voice was dead, devoid of all emotion.

“Don’t say that,” snapped Seth, “And don’t blame yourself for this Elva. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But then whose was it Seth? Who am I meant to blame? Because right now I see no other options but me. You brought me here, we asked for help, and then I killed them. End of story.”

*****

Word Count: 1684

Words this session: 1684

Day 1

November 1st, 2009

It is day 1 of nano and I have in fact hit todays target goal at least. This, in and of itself, is somewhat of an achievement seeing as I sat in a friend’s kitchen at twenty seven minutes to midnight going ‘crapcrapcrap. I don’t even have a first line.’ Already the story is going in a radically different direction to what I expected, already it is full of typos, overused words, horrific clichés and the occasional moment of appalling purple prose. And I am going to post it anyway. Very soon. As soon as all of the [name1]’s have been replaced with an actual name, [name2] gets one of those, and the settlement is known by something a tad more creative than ‘Backwater.’

At least, I hope it can be considered more creative.

I really have never before been this unprepared for a nano and it is a strange and scary feeling. Flying completely blind here and just hoping for the best. The words are coming pretty easily right now — they may not make sense, but they are at least coming. Talking to people at the KOP yesterday made me realize that some people actually have plans for nano. Flow diagrams and character profiles and the like. I have [name1] and [name2]. Consider me jealous right now.

Write in today was fun. I actually managed to get stuff written, despite the large amounts of laughing, talking, coffee-drinking and making-a-fool-of-myself I did. Thing is, I reckon you can’t put a large group of writers in a fenced off area of The Coffee Club and expect us not to talk. IF we sat there in silence the whole time I would 1. Feel Awkward. 2. Never go to another one. And 3. Probably be even less productive. Yes, that is possible.

I can’t write in silence.

My first section of the story is admittedly hideous. There’s a lot of bad writing, bodies and an awful unexpected crap cliffhanger I hate. However. I have forbidden myself from touching the backspace key. Spell check is also forbidden. Word count however is not. This does mean however that I read the line over and over again, and hate it even more every time. You have been warned.

Of Chance Encounters and Nonsense.

October 25th, 2009

I’ve always had a slight obsession with the apocalypse (and zombies, but I’m saving that for another blog post.) I was talking with a friend of mine the other day, another Brisbane Nanoer, and she reminded me of a story I once wrote, called ‘Amber, Ink, and Creaming Soda.’ It’s about the end of the world but has none of this screaming, flailing freaking out trying to prevent it stuff going on. See, I reckon that if I was to find out tomorrow that the world was going to end I would not spend my last however-long running around, building a spaceship and trying to fix the problem. Totes just not my style.

I would be more inclined to go out and buy sparklers and beer and a load of really good food and make a party out of it. And ‘Amber…’ is kind of like that. Human relationships and interactions are so much more interesting than a bunch of tough macho man and the token-female prancing around in space and generally acting like complete tools. There are more interesting things to focus on than that. The little things in life are the most beautiful — stop worrying about all the big crap and love the small things. There’s a scene in Amber where they run out of toothpaste and they (the couple who remain nameless in the story) are complaining about morning breath and boy germs and cooties and the like. I think it’s moments like that that would be more important than running around like a headless chook, futilely trying to save people.

Then again, the hero of humanity roll is so not my sort of thing. I once had a boy tell me he thought I would be the thing that saved him. The idea of me offering anyone salvation was laughable.

I had a weird day today, running into ghosts from the past and having strange encounters I could have probably done without. It’s sort of thrown me for a loop, but as with all things that happen to me, it leads to all sorts of Nano ideas…and not Nano ideas. I love the fact that right now words are pouring out of me and there is no stopping them. Over the last…three/four year, something like that, I have been on various meds that negatively effected my ability to write. I’m off all of them now and so I am rediscovering what it feels like to not be able to stop the words, and gods am I loving it.

That said, please ignore the disjointedness of this particular piece. Who knows where this came from…It’s three in the morning, my only excuse.

It is one of those cold July days, stiff with the smell of hairspray and nicotine. Leaves shiver in the wind and the brown edged grass calls for water that will not come. We squeal and slide our way down hallways, hands tucked into the stretched sleeves of jumpers, thumbs poking out of holes in the wool that mothers keep trying to darn up and we keep on stubbornly unpicking. If we stopped to consider it we might realize this could be heaven — lazy days where we are invincible and carefree and there is nothing to weigh us down. But this is destined to be a damned Eden, where flowers bloom unnoticed and wither unloved. This is a tale of Secret Gardens and paradises that are not our own, nor ours to claim.

For we are the expert dreamers of our time, the children who hear voices on the wind and see fairies hiding in the shadows. We are the ones who meet at the broken down bus-stop, travel down memory motorway, and pretend that we are eight years old again, going off on adventures, finding our way to Wonderland, or Neverneverland, or was it just Otherland? And then, when the adventure is over we gather in an old and unused public restroom, making sure the lines of coke are neat and perfect and just-so. We snort it down quickly, using the fairy-dust to make those memories fly away. (It would be easier but happy thoughts are hard to come by these days.)

It’ll stop hurting soon — all of those things we left unsaid — it will all stop hurting soon.

And I like to believe that there are still beautiful people in this world, but I am 17 and have a head full of cynicism. I like to imagine that they are outside, just beyond my front door, and the next time I decide to go on an adventure (to Wonderland, or Neverneverland, or was it just Otherland?) I will meet them and they will kidnap me and take me somewhere perfect.

I like to imagine that there are people out there who will look at my chewed down fingernails and the bags beneath my eyes and they will still say ‘baby, when you smile you light up this entire fucking city.’

Make You Cringe

October 19th, 2009

So the sleep thing totally didn’t happen. An all-nighter is totally not the best way to prepare for work but with the help of overly-large amounts of caffeine and small amounts of customers I found myself still capable of standing at the end of the shift. Bloody miracle really.

It also gave me a wonderful chance to plan out at least the initial stages of my Nano. At the moment it is just known as Emergency because well…it needs a name and I have very little clue about what it is really about. Hence the emergency. Still, I know the first part will be a reworking of the start of last years Nano…and then taken in a completely different direction because…I can do that? The start I wrote last year was one of my favorite things I’ve ever written (ignoring the bad grammar, appalling spelling and general atrocity of it all.) Y’know sometimes you get those images in your head that won’t leave you alone, and you can see it all as clearly as if it happened to you.

It’s one of those scenes. And it takes place in a bathroom stall. And I get to be quite gruesome with it all.

I mean I could give you some crap about analysing the ideas of freedom, and Big Brother societies ala 1984 and all that but really…I just want an excuse to make you cringe, just a little bit. After the bathroom I’m not exactly sure what happens but it will come to me. And if all else fails there is The List (which is slowly reaching epic proportions.)

To Sleep: Perchance To Dream

October 18th, 2009

It’s almost four and I can’t sleep. My head is full of possible characters and possible stories and no matter what I do none of them will shut up. I guess this bodes well for November but right now I hate it. I have work tomorrow and while it is possibly the easiest job in the world — I work in a tiny corner store — sleep is still necessary before dealing with snotty-nosed brats for seven hours. They tend to bring out the worst in me.

Not that I have anything against children. Not really. It’s just that there are so many of them. All at once. All buying about $10 worth of lollies ten cents at a time. And you see them again and again and again in about a two hour period and by the end of it you know not only their name, but the names of all their siblings, the age of their pet dog and the complete list of what they want for their birthday and Christmas.

This would be fine most of the time; it’s just bad when they come back next week and expect you to remember it all. So not gonna happen.

However, looking on the bright side (something I get more and more adept at every day — certain peoples optimism is infectious and as Mousie says, QLD is the happy state. I must stay smiling or I shatter all her beliefs about this place forever. It would be like telling a small child Santa Claus doesn’t exist or something. Not pretty) at least I have a job. This is a definite improvement and seeing those pay checks come in is still a buzz that leads to way too much grinning, giggling and generally acting like an idiot (all three of which I did too much of even when I wasn’t working.)

This insomnia however is apparently good for one thing. Nano ideas. The list grows ever longer (this post has taken me forty minutes to write because I keep stopping to add to the list [which I will at some point post in its entirety]) and is full of such sleep-deprivation inspired goodies as small humiliations blossoming into a desperate need for revenge (the overuse of brackets and words such as blossoming are a good hint I’m running on empty right now,) Stockholm Syndrome, lullabies, a dystopian future, bad-ass competent girls who know how to handle themselves, court politics and Alice in Wonderland references (surely you have picked up on the Lewis Carroll obsession by now?)

But anywhoo, to bed with me. To sleep: perchance to dream and all that crap.

Of Life And Nano

October 15th, 2009

And come November and they will be pretty much the same thing. Nano has a way of taking over.

This years Nano will be, as always, hopelessly unplanned. Maybe that’s where I go wrong? I tend to just start typing and hope for the best. It often means stories that take fifty pages to get out of the bathroom stall they start in and then they run out of steam. But this year shall be different. Because this year I have a list! I call them my cool bits and on this list is everything from cross-dressing girls to sentient weapons to old-western style gunfights, stolen children and synesthesia. How all of this is meant to fit together, I am not quite sure, but every time I get even close to running out of steam I pick an element off the (very long) list and add that in. Smart right?

It’s sure to be interesting at the very least.

And Mental Squint is here to offer the best procrastination tool in the world. Because not only do I get to spend my days writing here instead of writing my novel, I get to spend my time working out how to make it look pretty too.